Why Does Every Woman Have to Have a Baby?

So after quite a long hiatus due to some unexpected difficulties, I'm back. And here is my question: why is it just expected that every woman in the entire world wants to have a baby? I had a doctor's appointment, and as I was talking to the nurse, I happened to mention that I have a high pain tolerance. Her immediate response?

"Oh, well, that will come in handy when you have a baby!"

When I have a baby? Am I expected to have a baby? Is every woman? This is an issue that I think is deeply understated in feminism today: the expectation that every woman MUST have/want to have children.

Guess what? I hate kids. There, I said it. Kids just aren't my thing. I've never gotten along with anyone my age, and adults have always liked me much better, and they're just who I get along with. Kids, on the other hand, frustrate me because I have absolutely no patience. Why would I have a child if I don't want one?

I'm sure many women feel pressured by their partners to want kids. That's just what comes after marriage. First comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage, right? Wrong. Why can't I get married without all the pressure to have children? I'm sure there are many women who have felt so pressured by their in-laws, parents, and partners to have kids, and now they're unhappy and as a result, so are their children. I refuse to bring a child into an unhappy household.

Immediately after she said that, I responded with, "well, I don't really want to have kids" because - surprise, I don't. And she just said "oh" and continued typing on the computer. Really? Does it make you feel that uncomfortable? My personal preferences about raising children bother you that much? Hey, how about we stop putting pressure on women through social norms?

And yet more importantly, let's stop judging women that may not want the same things as you or the majority of the population. Sound good? Good.

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Terry Richardson: Why is he still around?

So I would like to preface this post by saying if you don't know who Terry Richardson is or you don't know about the shitty things that he's been "accused" of doing, go read this article, which gives you an up to date timeline of what's been going on with this racy photographer for the last 10 years.

Terry Richardson has that stereotypical, pedophilic mustache that can automatically put people off. Not to mention he's a creepy, 48 year old man who photographs young, upcoming models for a living, usually in a racy manner. If that itself doesn't immediately make you feel like you need to take a long, cleansing shower, I don't know what will.

Starting in 2004, people who have worked with him, models and assistants, have been throwing out accusation after accusation, claiming some nasty things that Richardson persuaded them to do, such as "tampon tea". Repulsive. In the entertainment and fashion industry that is oh-so-hard to get into, being a young newcomer makes you eager to please and do whatever's required just to move up. An agent would book a new model to work with Richardson, and when he starts making skeevy demands, she can't exactly say no. She could get dropped by her agency that she worked so hard to get signed with. She could completely ruin her reputation in the modeling world. That's a lot to risk, especially if Richardson is just asking for a quick nip-slip.

I think the most important question that needs to be asked is why is he still such a hot name in the fashion industry and why is he still allowed to work with young (and some even underage) models? Technically, the models that were brave enough to accuse him don't have enough concrete proof to actually build a case against him.

This is just another case similar to the Woody Allen issue. Woody Allen was accused of molesting his adopted daughter (and the daughter of the famous actress, Mia Farrow), Dylan. She suffered unspeakable trauma mentally and was in therapy for a long time following the abuse. Allen lost four court battles about the abuse but was never formally charged because they didn't want to put already traumatized Dylan through anymore than she had already been through. Therefore, he's still one of the most celebrated people in the entertainment industry and continues to work with respected actors. How is that fair? All the evidence points towards his molestation of his adopted daughter, yet he's still a celebrated artist? It is beyond not okay.

There are so many people in the entertainment industry who can practically get away with murder just because they are respected in their field. Anyways- back to Richardson.

In his blog called "Terry's Diary", you can very clearly see that all of the images of the models he's photographed have a pornographic undertone. There are close ups of butts in cheeky shorts and even girls with their tops and bras off. Yet it's considered "art", not pornography.

The bottom line is Richardson needs to be blacklisted as a photographer and given the sexual assault charge he deserves. The fact that all of these people have come forward so bravely, yet have received no restitution says something terrible about the society that we have created and are functioning in today. We live in a society that not only turns a blind eye to sexual assault because of a person's credentials, but we also praise and commemorate them, despite their wrongdoings.

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Stop Hating on the "Prettified" Feminists

A big third-wave feminist issue today is feminists hating on other feminists. To be specific, feminists hating on other feminists for wearing nice clothes or wearing makeup or getting "prettified" so to speak. I am much too into consuming for my own good. I spend a crazy amount of money on makeup and clothes and shoes and hair products and everything in between. I spend hundreds a month on things I very clearly don't need. If it came down to buying myself dinner or buying new lipstick, I would go for the lipstick every time. While this might not align with your priorities, I love makeup and clothes, and I think it's worth it.

I believe that just because I love to buy pretty things and invest in things like makeup and dresses doesn't mean that I don't care about equality for everyone. Those two things aren't even related. My position on equality and my daily makeup routine don't correlate.

An important distinction I would like to make is that I don't dress for anyone else. I don't spend half an hour on my makeup every morning for a boy or a girl. I do it to make myself feel good. If you're putting on a dress and a ton of makeup for someone else, then maybe you should take a look at why that is. But I make a hard effort to make myself look nice everyday because it makes me feel empowered and makes me feel good.

Another aspect of this issue is the idea that feminists shouldn't be sexy because we're supposed to be dressing sexy yet staying pure exclusively for men. You can be sexy all you want. I bought a dress the other day exclusively because it made my boobs look really good. And in turn that makes me feel good about myself. I'm not doing it to 'be sexy' for anyone but myself.

In my opinion, one of the most important factors of feminism is the empowerment of women. Do what you want on your own terms. Dress how you want. Put on as much makeup as you want. Spend as much money on those things as you want (as long as you're not racking up bills). Don't let other people's judgments put you down and stop you from prettifying yourself to perfection.

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What's Your Signature Style?

Everyone is constantly labeled: goth, girly, preppy. According to quizzes in Seventeen and Tiger Beat, everyone has to have a signature style. And you absolutely cannot stray from that signature style. I definitely subscribed to this idea when I was growing up. I went through a sporty phase where I wore soccer shorts and my hair in a ponytail every single day. I went through a super girly phase where I wore dresses and heels every single day. According to my style choices now, I'm going through my goth phase because I wear black everyday. Just last week my friend got asked if she was "goth" because she likes to wear all black. Let me just tell you - she and I are just about the least goth people you can meet. We are by no means goth in anyway. 

Why do we force people to conform to these labeled styles? Why can't we just choose to wear what we want to wear everyday? Somedays, I may be feeling a little more grunge with Docs and a flannel; other days, I may be feeling girly and put on a pinafore dress and mary-jane slippers with mice on the toes. I don't want to be forced into a style box where I can't feel free to choose what I want to wear. 

A few months ago, I was in a store with my friend, and I really wanted to buy some more edgy things because I felt like my closet was getting a little too girly for my taste. When I brought this up, she told me, "I don't know, I think you're more girly. I like the way you dress, don't try to be edgy." 

I didn't want to "try to be edgy". I wanted to dress in order to make myself feel beautiful and confident. I don't dress for my friends, I don't dress for men, I don't dress for women, I don't dress for anyone but me. I will dress how I want to dress, and no one can stop me.

Don't force yourself to fit into these conformist boxes and feel like you can only wear certain kinds of clothes because you play sports or you're in theatre; don't conform to these societal labels, unless that's what floats your boat. Do and wear what is going to make you happy and confident and feel beautiful. 

Today, I felt grunge but still a little girly. So why not mix both, right? I'm wearing an oversized long sleeved shirt from Nordstrom, black basic leggings from Nordstrom, a navy and green flannel from Ragstock, cheetah socks from Target, a key necklace from Emily, Dr. Martens from Journeys, and an American Horror Story bow from Etsy.

Don't forget: wear what you feel good in and wear what makes you feel confident. Dress for yourself, and no one else.

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Dressing for Your Body

The next time you get ready for school, work, a date, or any time where you are making a conscious effort to figure out what to wear, think about why you are deciding what clothes you decide to put on that day. Is it because that's what feels comfortable to you? Is it because you want to look sexy for a special someone? Or is it because you're trying to make yourself look thinner or hide a tiny bit of belly fat? In fashion today, there are a plethora of tricks for creating the bodies we want without surgery, exercise, or eating differently. Why are we so obsessed with creating these bodies with clothes that we don’t actually have? 

We’re constantly told to “dress for our bodies”, yet to actually do that, we’re told to pick clothes that create illusions. Peplums are supposed to draw the eye from your slimmest point and flow out to create the illusion of a tiny waist, and wearing the same color shoe and pant supposedly draws the eye down and creates the illusion of longer legs. What if I don’t have a tiny waist? A peplum skirt or top or dress may make me seem slimmer, but am I really? Why are we hiding our bodies under these constricting charlatans we call flattering clothes? 

On one hand we’re supposed to love our bodies, yet on the other, we’re supposed to use these clothing shapes to create shapes that our bodies don’t naturally make. I think that I have a pretty average body, but I prefer to wear looser clothes. It’s more comfortable for me as a college student, and I don’t feel as constricted. Just because you where clothes that aren’t fitted, and you don’t wear clothes that create these false silhouettes, doesn’t mean you’re wearing sweatpants and t-shirts everyday – and even if you are, there’s nothing wrong with that! 

Today, I am wearing a simple black dress that has a loose tie around the waist and an oversized black, floral, needlepoint sweater. These clothes don’t cinch in my waist and push up my boobs to make them look bigger than the in between a B-cup and a C-cup that they actually are. However, this outfit is comfortable for classes, I still feel put together, and I like the way I look. However, by the ‘illusion viewpoint’, I’m doing my body “no favors”. I believe that the real favor I’m doing my body is not forcing it into clothes that barely fit or forcing it to wear things I don’t want to or I don’t feel comfortable in. Everyone should be able to choose what they want to wear based on what they like, what they want themselves to look like, and how they want to feel in the clothes they’re wearing. 

Tomorrow morning when you get dressed, ask yourself these four questions:

1. What outfit is appropriate for what I’m doing today? Should I wear something more casual or more dressy?
2. How do I see myself? Do I want to stand out, do I want to fit in, how do I envision myself looking today?
3. How do I want to feel today? Do I want to feel comfortable, sexy, formal, dressy?
4. What's going to make me feel good?

Some days, you may be feeling sweatpants and a t-shirt; other days, jeans and a blouse. Sometimes, you may want to go all out and wear a dress and a push-up bra. However, you decide to dress, make sure it reflects you. Make sure you feel good. People can’t judge you for making choices that give you confidence. You are the most important person in your life, so treat yourself well. Wear what you want to wear and fuck the bitches (male or female) that try to bring you down. 

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